Q. My ex-wife and I divorced four years ago. We had a son via IVF — my egg and a donor father — but she carried our baby. I share this background to show how complicated our story is. We have both found new partners. She has remarried a woman who has two children. Bottom line, there are a lot of people wanting to celebrate Mother’s Day with the kids, and we have no idea how to approach this. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. Families are more layered than they used to be — and holidays like this tend to bring that into focus. Start by simplifying what feels complicated.

Mother’s Day is about recognizing the people who show up for your child. In your case, that includes more than one person — and that’s not a problem unless the adults make it one.

Your son has more than one important mother figure in his life. That doesn’t mean everyone holds the same role or performs the same duties. Those roles are defined over time by involvement, responsibility and the relationship each adult has with him. The goal isn’t to label everyone the same — it’s to make sure your child can appreciate each relationship without confusion or pressure.

Good ex-etiquette means removing competition from the equation. That said, structure helps, and logistics matter.

When multiple households want to celebrate, having a clear plan prevents confusion and hurt feelings. You can alternate the holiday each year, with one home celebrating Mother’s Day while the other chooses an alternate day. You can divide the weekend, treating Saturday as “Mother’s Day Eve” for one household and Sunday for the other, then switch the following year. You can celebrate any way that feels comfortable for your extended family. Just stay open and honest (Good Ex-Etiquette for Parents Rule No. 8) Respect each other's turf (Rule No. 9) and use empathy when problem solving (Rule No. 7).

We all know that consistency helps children know what to expect and gives them something to look forward to each year, but flexibility matters too. As they grow, their needs will change. What worked at 4 may not work at 14. Whatever you choose, agree on it ahead of time and revisit it as needed. The goal isn’t equal time— it’s a thoughtful plan that allows your child to celebrate without feeling rushed or pulled. If your son is old enough, give him a voice. He may want to make a card, have a call or acknowledge each person in his own way. Keep it simple.

Now, one more piece: the bonus parents.

Each household includes a partner who plays a meaningful role in your child’s life. Those relationships simply expand the circle. Keep the focus on your child’s experience, not adult expectations.

Model what you want to teach him. A simple “Happy Mother’s Day” between households goes a long way. It tells your child there is room for everyone without tension or competition. It also teaches him not to compare. He doesn’t need to decide who did it better or who matters most. He needs permission to experience each relationship on its own merit.

What matters is that your son feels free to love each of you without pressure.

Finally, more love doesn’t dilute the role of “mother.” It strengthens your child’s sense of family.

Make space. Keep it simple. Offer options. Be flexible.

That’s good ex-etiquette.

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC