Spouse Fears Husband Is Having An Affair
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been married for 14 years now. My husband and I have three kids together, and we live in a beautiful home. My friends and family often compliment us on how great we look and how proud they are of us; however, I think he's cheating. When you are with someone for so long, there are certain behaviors and habits that you notice changing in them. He's become a lot less open and expressive to me. He's coming home late without any excuses or, even worse, with a whole bunch of excuses that don't make sense.
It has been difficult for me to reach the conclusion that he may be stepping out, and I do not know if I could work up the courage to ever ask him. My friends, who I have told, recommend I leave based off the feeling I'm having, but I feel like I should give him a fighting chance. What would you recommend I do? -- Stepping Out
DEAR STEPPING OUT: Before you leave your marriage, you must speak to your husband. Pick a time when the two of you are home together without the children. Tell him you need to talk to him about something important. Sit down and tell him that you are worried that he may be having an affair and you need to know the truth. Ask him to be honest with you about whatever it is that he is doing. You deserve to know.
He will likely not answer right away. Implore him to be transparent with you. Point out that you love him and have loved your life together all these years, but you know something is wrong, and it is time to address it.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been in a relationship now for about five years, and we are flourishing together. We are supportive of each other, we handle arguments respectfully and he treats me with appreciation and care. In many ways, we are perfect for each other and help each other grow. There is one caveat to that, though: We have both let ourselves go during the course of our relationship. Eating is our favorite pastime, so we always incorporate food into all of our dates. I am so grateful that my partner does not critique my body -- and vice versa -- but I think we should start making a change for our health. Continuing to gain weight is not good for our health. I want to start a meal plan and begin a healthier diet, but I know my partner is not going to go for that. He likes food. How do I propose a change in our habits without seeming like I'm being the judgmental one? -- Full Plate
DEAR FULL PLATE: Talk to your partner and point out that while you love each other, you have not been doing such a good job of loving yourselves. Tell him you are going to go to a dietitian and figure out a meal plan that will be healthier for both of you. Encourage him to embrace the idea of modified eating that will help you as a couple be strong and healthy for each other. Promise to ease into it, but be pushy enough to let him know you are serious. Suggest exercising together, even if it's just a stroll around the block after dinner. If he refuses, don't give up on your own goals.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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