Uncle Has High Expectations For His Kids
DEAR HARRIETTE: My "Uncle Ron" raised his son and daughter all alone, and I think it was a struggle for him. Over the years, he put affection on the back burner and became results-driven. He did his best to make sure his children were A students, hard-working, well-behaved, well-spoken and aligned for success. I think his rigid parenting style took a toll on his son, my cousin "Matt." When Matt went away for college, he was no longer an A student. Although he managed to graduate, he struggled to find work afterward. Whenever we're all together, Uncle Ron is judgmental and doesn't shy away from sharing his disappointment in his kids. I can see how it affects my cousin, but I don't know what to say to my uncle. I chime in sometimes to remind him that Matt is on his way and has a good job now, but nothing is good enough for my uncle. I want to get through to him, but he's so stuck in his ways. How can I stop him from emotionally scarring my cousin further? -- Never Enough
DEAR NEVER ENOUGH: Your uncle may never listen, but you can try talking to him privately. Point out that you know how hard he worked to take care of his children to prepare them to become responsible adults. Note that you think he did a great job, and add that you have noticed how harshly he treats Matt and that it seems to be negatively affecting him. Give Uncle Ron the example of how he publicly berates his son about his shortcomings in front of the family and how uncomfortable and embarrassing that is. Suggest that he notice the positive things about his son and celebrate those a little more.
Your uncle may get angry with you, but at least you will have said it. Moreover, stay in touch with your cousin and be his peer cheerleader. He will appreciate that.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been struggling in my business all year due to losing several big contracts at the end of last year. I haven't been bringing in the income I need to survive and pay my team, and I have depleted my savings; it's a huge struggle. When I try to talk to my husband about it, he shrugs it off and tells me not to complain. He says if I talk about how bad things are, they will get worse. I think he's wrong. We need to talk about reality and how we will move forward on significantly less income. How do I get him to take this seriously? We are in a crisis. -- Broke
DEAR BROKE: Calculate all of your expenses for your household and your business. Write it all down. Then write down all of your earnings. Put the two next to each other so that you can see where you are financially. Make it clear to him with side-by-side numbers. Tell him you need help figuring out a way forward. This is real and must be addressed now before things get worse.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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