ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a four-family apartment building in a middle-class neighborhood. All of the tenants are very nice people, but the landlord is notoriously unresponsive.

I live on the second floor, and the young lady in the apartment next door to me has everything delivered to her. We share a common front stairway.

The other day, a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a single woman who is frequently asked about my plans for marriage. The individuals making these inquiries have no business asking this question, let alone hearing the answer.

I typically smile and change the subject without answering their question. A few times, when particularly startled, I have responded with, "I beg ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The culture of my academic field is very casual. I'm interviewing for professorships at several places, and the faculty committees in the interviews -- all "doctors" by title -- invite me to call them by their first names.

Having just completed my Ph.D., I'd like to ask them to recognize this, at least for the period of the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am expecting my second daughter in March. Our families are both looking forward to having a baby shower for two main reasons: This will be the first shower we've had, because we lived too far away last time, and also because I've had two miscarriages prior to this pregnancy.

Obviously both sides of the family are very ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a longtime friend who has a habit of waiting until the last minute to confirm plans or even make them.

One Sunday morning, she asked me if I would like to come over and go for a walk sometime that week and then stay for dinner. I said, "Does Wednesday work for you? It looks like the weather will be OK that day."

On ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was leaving an underground transit station and making my way to the escalator to go up to the street when I noticed a tall young man gaining rapidly on me from behind.

We have an unwritten rule that you stand on the right side of the escalator if you just want to ride, and move to the left if you want to walk up the moving ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I joined a travel timeshare that we both love. The only thing we hate is how they try to upsell you.

After check-in, you are required to go to the concierge desk to get your arm band or parking pass. Once there, the hard sell starts; they try to bribe, encourage or beg you to attend a sales meeting. (They call ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've seen young men with their mothers picking out a ring that the young woman of his choice is supposed to love and wear forever.

What if they picked something she really didn't like?

I would like to propose a new tradition: The proposal is made and accepted, but instead of a ring, the proposer offers a jewel box that ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a convenience store, with my arms full of groceries. There were three tall young men standing near the register in a group, and I asked if they were in line.

They said yes and lined up. When I thought they were finished, I placed my items on the counter and moved forward to the credit card reader, accidentally ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have asked my friends to help me swap an engine on my pickup truck, and they have generously agreed.

Mechanic etiquette says that if your friends are helping you on a car project, you provide drinks while they work. A worker is worthy of their wages. However, I am unsure how many beers I should give them for their ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One evening, quite late at night, I received a long, impassioned text from a stranger by mistake. In it, he talked about having had a "wonderful few hours" with someone and hoped to see them again. He also revealed some personal insecurities about their time together that are, obviously, none of my business.

I'm aware that ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a dinner party, my companion quietly excused herself after the meal to smoke a cigarette. She went outside, over our nonsmoking hostess's protestations that inside was fine.

As I escorted my friend outside, I heard a fellow guest, the wife of a mutual acquaintance, shriek, "What? She SMOKES?" in a tone that would have been...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We attended a charity event for a homeless shelter -- an event we have gone to for several years. This time, there was a guest speaker who was a former client of the shelter.

This gentleman had gone there when he was homeless and fresh out of jail. He spoke for 45 minutes, which I thought was way too long, and he included ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning to invite my daughter's in-laws to a formal dinner. I plan to host it the way my late almost-aristocratic mother would have done 60 years ago: with fine china, starched linens, good silver, flowers, the lot. I am partly (well, mainly) motivated by a few snobbish remarks dropped by my daughter's father-in-law.

...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that we shouldn't talk about religion, nor about politics.

Now it's food that's verboten.

Sports? Please, no!

Travel plans or trip reports? Yawn.

Health concerns? Yech.

Bragging/complaining about children/other relatives/neighbors/jobs? Snore.

Favorite movies/TV shows/news sources?

Hobbies?

New cars or ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work with a woman with whom I have a friendly, professional relationship. We are often in shared-food settings together, such as office lunches or happy hours with appetizers.

She adheres to a no-carb diet, but is quite gracious about encouraging others to order or bring whatever they'd like, saying that she'll "make it ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to a very sweet guy for over 15 years now. I have never made a habit of keeping secrets from him, and we have a very honest relationship. However, my lifelong friend recently discovered that something from our college days has surfaced online.

It's a video of my friend and me participating in a wet T-shirt...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often have lunch at fast-food restaurants. I will get five or six packets of hot sauce from the self-serve area, and when I'm finished with lunch, I just return the unopened packets to where I got them. Sometimes I get bad looks from people for doing this.

What is the etiquette for this? Should I just trash any unopened ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm the pastor of a medium-sized church (about 500 members), with five other ministers on staff, as well. This summer, while I was on vacation, a church member harshly criticized the staff for not noticing she'd been gone for eight Sundays. This young woman blasted us for this oversight in an extended rant on social media.

In...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am picking up a prescription, the druggist usually asks for my birthdate, sometimes in front of other people.

Must I say the year? I bristle at this. Aren't ladies allowed to hide their ages? Isn't the name, date and month enough?

GENTLE READER: Oh, please -- don't even think that way.

Yes, the idea has long been ...Read more