ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I have been married for 45 years to a man who has never wanted much adventure in his life. His idea of a big night out is taking a short drive, finding a supper club, eating dinner and coming straight home so he can settle into his recliner.

For years, I begged him to travel with me. I wanted to see new places, experience different cultures and make memories together. But whenever I pushed the issue, he would become angry or threaten to leave. I always backed down because I was afraid of losing my marriage. Looking back, I wish I had called his bluff and gone anyway.

He grew up on a farm where there wasn't much time or money for fun, and I understand that shaped him. But I also feel he chose to stay inside that very small world for the rest of his life -- and expected me to stay there with him.

Now I am older, and I find myself grieving all the trips and experiences I missed because I kept waiting for him to change. I'm angry with him, but I'm also angry with myself for giving up so much of what I wanted.

What hurts most is realizing how quickly the years disappeared. I used to think there would always be another summer, another anniversary, another chance to finally take that trip. Now I look at old photographs of the younger woman I was and wonder what she would think of the life I settled for. I still love my husband, but I don't want to wake up one day with nothing left except a lifetime of places I never saw and things I was too afraid to do.

Is it too late to start living more independently and doing the things I've always dreamed about, even if my husband refuses to join me? And how do I let go of the resentment I feel over all those lost years? -- Still Waiting to Live

Dear Waiting to Live: Forty-five years is a long time to wait for someone else to pack a suitcase. Stop waiting.

Your husband is entitled to his recliner, but you are entitled to a life beyond it. Take the trip, join the group, and see the places you've dreamed about. You can't rewrite the years behind you, but you can certainly stop donating the ones ahead.

And remember that marriage is a partnership, not a life sentence to someone else's comfort zone. A partnership this long will come with compromise, but it shouldn't mean that one partner should suffer in silence as their dreams go unfulfilled while the other partner is perfectly content. I hope you go on an adventure soon.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.