My Pet World: Alone she’s calm. Together she’s wired. What’s going on?

Dear Cathy,

My wife and I have a wonderful companion in Julia, a loving, playful four-year-old King Charles Spaniel. There are two situations that are concerning.

The first occurs when one of us leaves for the supermarket and the other stays home. We’ve read your advice column (“Series of small steps can defeat separation anxiety”) and are applying your methods. Julia is slowly showing less anxiety when we leave. Unfortunately, we still cannot leave her alone at home because she anxiously bites her hard-plastic carrier and injures her mouth, tongue, and lips. Yet, when we go out to dinner, she does well if we place her in the back seat of our car inside her carrier. Apparently, this does not create anxiety.

The second situation involves taking long walks. If one of us walks her, she behaves well and shows little anxiety. But if we both walk with her, she becomes anxious, barks at a high pitch, jumps on our legs, and runs in frantic circles. Holding her or speaking to her does little to calm her. Why does she behave this way when walking with two people? How can we reduce this anxiety?

— Lawrence, Newport News, Virginia

Dear Lawrence,

Some dogs become overstimulated when more of their “pack” is together. To Julia, these walks may feel exciting but overwhelming — all her favorite people around, but more emotional stimulation than she can manage. It isn’t misbehavior or even classic anxiety, it’s emotional overload. She may also be trying to keep everyone together, like a little herding dog, and becomes frantic when she can’t control the situation.

To help her, focus less on correcting the behavior and more on preventing emotional overload. When both of you are walking, start with one person handling the leash while the other walks a short distance behind or ahead, wherever Julia seems calmest. That distance is her emotional comfort zone.

Over days or weeks, slowly close that gap as long as she remains calm and focused. If she becomes overly excited, increase the distance again. As the distance closes, stay walking in single file rather than side-by-side. When you get to the point where you can walk together, keep voices low, and let only one person interact with her at a time. Reward every small moment of calm along this journey. They are her steppingstones to emotional self-control.

Her crate behavior offers another clue. She does fine when crated in the car because she still feels connected to the family pack. At home, when crated and left alone, it’s not the crate she fears; it’s being left behind. Keep using those separation strategies but consider whether she can be left in a dog-proof room or gated area instead of the crate, especially if the crate increases her stress. Even though she stays calmer in the car, it's still not entirely safe to leave her alone there, even with air conditioning.

Julia is not a troubled dog. She’s simply sensitive and emotionally expressive, and she’s trying. With patience, consistency, and reassurance, she can absolutely learn calmer responses over time. You are already on the right track.

Some pets leave the shelter before the staff even learns their names. Others stay long enough to steal the hearts of every staff member, volunteer, and visitor who takes the time to know them. And that’s exactly what Jelly, a five-year-old pitbull-type dog, has done.

According to Destini Johnson, Events & Marketing Manager at the Humane Society of Memphis & Shelby County in Memphis, Tennessee, Jelly arrived as a wiggly, joyful puppy in November 2021. But while the other puppies went home, Jelly stayed. This November, he turns five, which means he has spent 1,461 days – or 80% of his life – in the shelter, waiting for someone to see him as their dog.

Jelly hasn’t spent those years simply waiting. He’s been learning to sit down, touch, and even master an enthusiastic army crawl. Jelly is not a statistic. He is joyful, loyal, smart, easy to love, and full of heart. He doesn’t know he’s been waiting. He only knows he’s ready.

As Jelly turns five, the Humane Society is launching a special effort to finally #GetJellyHome. If you live nearby, stop by the shelter and meet him, maybe you are the one he has been waiting for. If you’re thinking about adopting and don’t live near Memphis, walk into your local animal shelter and ask, “Who has been here the longest?” Then take the time to learn that pet’s story. Because every shelter has a Jelly, just waiting for a family to love.

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(Cathy M. Rosenthal is a longtime animal advocate, author, columnist and pet expert who has more than 25 years in the animal welfare field. Send your pet questions, stories and tips to cathy@petpundit.com. Please include your name, city, and state. You can follow her @cathymrosenthal.)