ArcaMax

A humble roller coaster exists, a sacred jewel of a ride that we as a culture don't talk about enough. This attraction features both open flames and footage of a young Brendan Fraser toting a whippy mochaccino. It invites the rider into a cinematic land of scarab beetles and museum antiquities, of open-shirt heroics and enough khaki to blanket a small nation.

MOVIE TRAILER VOICE: In a world where much has changed, Revenge of the Mummy persists with early 2000s panache. For more than 20 years, it has stood the test of time at Universal Orlando, its humble mine carts zipping through a market saturated by death-defying thrills, high-tech simulations and intellectual property involving spandex. Versions of this ride thrill audiences at Universal locations in Hollywood and Singapore, too.

Years ago, my family rode Revenge of the Mummy multiple times in a row, excited to find a sparse ride queue of any kind. We had gone to the park to see Harry Potter World, but after spending hours in long lines, this random beige jaunt became the sleeper treat of the day. My husband lost his voice screaming, which delighted his young daughter. It remains a core memory, one I thought we'd keep locked in the sacred sarcophagus in our hearts when the coaster inevitably became something sexier.

Yet this ride has not closed! It has only grown ancient in theme park years. Somehow it has avoided a rebrand into, I don't know... Harry Potter and the Minions take on Super Nintendo World featuring a soundtrack by Drake.

I am not much of a thrill ride person. If I had the choice between experiencing an extreme vertical drop and, well, anything else, I choose B. Revenge of the Mummy provides the middling, modest, lap bar-only adventure I crave. It taps out at 40 miles per hour, the top speed of a high-performance scooter. Reader, this ride is dark and air-conditioned. Perfect. Perfect! Escapist fun without fear of bodily harm! Over in three minutes! Exit through Sahara Traders gift shop!

Recently, we rode again. We had spent the night running from Art the Clown and zombies with chainsaws at Halloween Horror Nights. The haunted houses were glossy, as slick and disgusting as billed, totally fun but inevitably tedious around the eighth journey through a quilt of dry ice.

Revenge of the Mummy, our old friend, welcomed us in for a break. Imhotep asked us to serve him and savor riches beyond measure. There was more fog (so much fog in this park) as we prepared to forfeit our souls. We dropped 39 feet, less than a quarter of the descent in Universal's shuttered Rip Ride Rockit, which caught on fire for real recently and not in a cute Imhotep way. Cutie pie Brendan, my celebrity crush from the years of 1997 to 2005, welcomed us back to safety.

Would that ride be our last? By the time of our next visit, would Revenge of the Mummy become Glinda and Elphaba: Race to Save Dr. Dillamond? Well, one never knows when a simple pleasure may suffer eternal death.

We contemplated riding again for old times' sake. But sometimes you just have to let perfection be.

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Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephhayes on X or @stephrhayes on Instagram.

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